#g: friends to strangers

[kflixnet]

Soon on KFLIXNET: check out our member Xin's series!

THE CAR’S OUTSIDE ⊹ · YJW 양정원 WORK OF FICTION

000 ┊ PRELUDE ! 𝗦𝖤𝖱𝖨𝖤𝖲 𝗖𝖮𝖬𝖨𝖭𝖦 𝐒𝖮𝖮𝖭. ‎ 🎀 ໒꒰ྀི˃ ⌑ ˂ഃ ꒱ྀི১ playlist‎

🗯️ ━━━ ever since middle school , you’ve had feelings for your sweet childhood best friend , jungwon . and it didn’t change all throughout your high school life . even when he had suddenly turned against you and created a new ‘ player ’ reputation ?! 📺

⦂ 3𝓀 𝘄𝗈𝗋𝖽 𝗰𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗍. 🐇 신 𝗟𝖮𝖵𝖤𝖲 𝗬𝖮𝖴!

YOU FROWNED AND GLANCED AT HIM, who was still pouting rubbing the spot you hit on his arm.

You felt a bit of guilt, well—the amount of guilt a seven-year-old could feel.. and you held his hand again slowly and dragged the both of you upstairs to your room. He raised his eyebrows and followed you.

Jungwon whimpered again when you got to your room, with you closing the door immediately. You let go of his hand and he sat down on the bed, sniffling and pouting as little tears fell down his cheeks.

You huffed and came back with a shin chan bandaid, sitting next to him and taking his arm. He raised his eyebrows again in surprise, but let you continue.

Opening up the bandaid, you put it up on the little cut on his arm and patted it gently. You pouted in embarrassment and looked down.

“I’m sorry..” you muttered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.. well- I did, but.. you know..”

he looked away but then back at you, gulping as he nodded. “I’m sorry too..” he said quietly, making you look back up at him and wrap your arms around him.

he did the same.. hugging after every argument was a thing your moms made you do and something you both had grown accustomed too at this point..

you pulled away with an excited smile again.

“So you’ll play dress up with me again?”

He rolled his eyes at your words.. but started nodding slowly. You giggled and jumped, holding his hand and taking him to your closet again.

Jungwon chuckled slightly with a pinkish hue on his soft cheeks as he wiped his tears and followed you, bringing his hand up to you and fixing the slanted tiara on your messy head of hair..

“LOSER!”

“WIMP!”

“CRYBABY!”

were the cheers jungwon heard by the crowd of elementary school kids around him.. as Cho Yoonsik, a boy three times larger than him, pushed him back and laughed at him, making jungwon fall to the ground with tears in his eyes.

reason for ridicule?

because Jungwon made the terrible, elementary school mistake..

of snitching.

He was scared when Yoonsik threatened him for the answers before yesterday’s quiz. and he did give them the answers during the test..

but when you found out, you got angry and told jungwon to immediately tell the teachers.

Yoonsik got in trouble, Jungwon got in trouble.. but Yoonsik has to redo the test tomorrow.. the same time he has a taekwondo competition.

Jungwon was lankier, and was too shy to fight back even if they were both in the same taekwondo class. there was nothing he could do about it..

and Yoonsik found Jungwon’s pink lunch box that his grandmother left for him, a bit amusing.

“Are you a girl? With your pretty, pink lunchbox~?” Yoonsik teased in a funny, mocking voice, making the rest of his friends and the crowd laugh.

Jungwon’s eyes filled with tears as he felt the sharp pain of being ridiculed and embarrassed like this..

“I..” Jungwon stuttered, his pouted lip trembling.

Yoonsik raised his eyebrows and chuckled. “What? Can the sad girl not fight back?” He said as he leaned down and started kicking the boy’s side, making Jungwon whimper and let the tears fall down his cheeks.

“This’ll teach you to not snitch, wimp!” Yoonsik spoke angrily, but with a little smirk on his face. All the other students around laughed and cheered along, some of them were even throwing their snacks on the poor Jungwon. ( out of fear to get on Yoonsik’s good side )

Jungwon wanted to crawl into a little hole and die. His breathing was ragged and shaky from crying, he felt like a mess,

his clean clothes that his grandmother had just bought for him were all dirty.. he did feel like a wimp.

jungwon felt like there was no point in doing the right thing, listening to you and telling the teacher, when this was the outcome.

That was until — he suddenly felt the kicks and pushes stop, and instead heard gasps of the crowd and a yelp from Yoonsik.

Jungwon opened his eyes slowly, covering himself for any more impact just in case and looked to his side, where everyone had shifted.

There he saw Yoonsik.. and

you?!

Maybe his eyes were blurry.. because there was no way that was you.. on Yoonsik’s back..

one arm around his neck to balance, your other arm hitting his head. Your legs wrapped around Yoonsik’s hips while kicking his sides.

“YAH! Who the hell— OW!!” Yoonsik exclaimed, shutting his eyes as you pushed him down to the ground, hitting his hard chest and taking off his denim cap to slap him with it.

Jungwon rubbed his eyes in shock and they went wide..

yeah, that was definitely you..

“Why are you hurting my best friend?!” You yelled, your little-girl screams hurting Yoon’s ears as he winced and shut them quickly with his hands, but had to put them on his chest again to shield away from you.

“I have a pretty pink lunchbox too! You wanna call him a girl again??!” The other kids were gasping and talking amongst themselves, not knowing what to say to not anger Yoonsik later..

The boy winced and shook his head as he gritted his teeth in annoyance.

“N—no! ..eugh..

STOP IT, YOU LITTLE-!”

Yoonsik yelled again, trying to stop you, the other students laughing at Yoon’s urgency to swear and how a little girl, half his size was beating him up.

Jungwon gulped.. he wanted to go up and help. But he didn’t think you were the one who needed help..

Suddenly, he saw you coming up to him, your fingers pinching Yoonsik’s ear and dragging him.

“Apologise to him!” You exclaimed again.. pointing your finger to jungwon.

Yoonsik hissed at the pain and huffed, panting in struggle. You furrowed your eyebrows and pouted, slapping his back again.

“OW! S—sorry! I’m sorry..” Yoonsik spoke finally, his face red from anger and embarrassment.

Jungwon widened his eyes and gulped, nodding hesitantly as he looked at Yoonsik up and down. “Y—yeah..”

he could only mutter back as he quickly got up..

“That’s right! Now— hey!”

and grabbed you by the shoulders, pushing you away from Yoonsik and slightly pulling on his ear.

“Don’t do that again..” Jungwon muttered, pursing his lips and sitting you down on another park bench. “Do what? Save your life?” You said in annoyance with a pout.

Jungwon sighed and rolled his eyes, kneeling down on the rough floor and looking eye-level at you. “Did you get hurt..?” He asked gently, tucking your hair back to check for wounds or scars.

You shook your head with a frustrated look. “You’re the one who’s hurt!” you huffed, making him sigh and take his hand away with a gulp..

“I’m sorry.. just don’t be mad at me..” Jungwon said quietly, looking up at you and pouting.

You shook your head and rolled your eyes with a loud, dramatic huff.

“You are a loser.”

He only furrowed his eyebrows and pouted, not fully grasping that your words were sarcastic.

“C’mon, let’s go to the nurses office, she’ll give us both ice cream!” You exclaimed, taking his hand and running back into the school.

Jungwon’s pout vanished and his eyes sparkled the moment he heard ‘ice cream’.

But deep in his mind, he thought you were really cool out there, defending him like that.

Y/n-ah.. you’re really cool.

JUNGWON SOMETIMES HATED YOUR SWEET TOOTH. How after playing, you ran to the candy store, even after being so sweaty and tired. How you left him alone and sprinted in the direction of the ice cream truck when you heard the familiar tune. How you got so energetic right after, and he had to deal with your sugar-highs.

“You’re really gonna be a sugar-addict.” Jungwon said, rolling his eyes. You ignored his words and opened the wrapper of the lollipop, sitting down next to the sweets he got for you with the 1000 Won note he found in his pocket..

( he actually hadn’t just randomly found it, his mom gave it for him to get something to eat if he got hungry after.. he just lied so you wouldn’t get mad. you looked too happy earlier, you were practically drooling at the selection.. )

“Whatever..” you muttered, climbing up on some ledge near the park, leaning your elbows on your crossed legs and leaning down as you smiled at the other sweets you put down.

He leaned close, putting his arms down on the stony ledge next to your candies and scoffed with a chuckle, shaking his head slightly. nonetheless, a genuine smile crossed his lips when he looked up at how giddy you looked at the sweet and sour taste.

“Is that strawberry?” He muttered, his voice a bit muffled from how he rested his chin on his hand.

You nodded and hummed in response, busy looking elsewhere at the passersby. He took the opportunity and smirked.. before you knew it, his arm had reached up and snatched the lollipop from your mouth, making you gasp.

“Hey!” you whined, trying to take it back but he already plopped it in his mouth, giggling and climbing up on the ledge as well, sitting next to you. Hmph.. an annoyed pout reaching your lips as you huffed.

Jungwon chuckled and put his palms behind him as he leaned back on them, his cap all lopsided. he looked at you, slouching a bit with your elbows on your knees.. he reached his hand out again and took one of the ends of your braids in his fingers, twirling it.

He sighed softly and chuckled. “Don’t be mad at me~” Jungwon cooed, pinching your cheek as he leaned closer again, a hand to your chin as he made you look back.

You raised an eyebrow at his actions, not expecting him to be so touchy.. well—he was always comfortable around you, but why did it.. feel different to you now?

Jungwon smiled again and took the lollipop out of his mouth with a pop sound, placing it between your teeth again, the round shape now stretching your cheek.

Eyes widening again, you furrowed your eyebrows and froze at his action. “Ew.. cooties.” You joked, taking out the lollipop with a chuckle, trying to act casual.

But even jungwon noticed how your face and ears burned up and reddened. He just blamed it on the sunburn..

As silence filled the conversation, the same blush flushed on his face.. as a thought crossed his mind.

Jungwon pushed it back.. trying to not think of it.

“We’re practically kissing..” That was — until, of course, you just had to speak his thoughts out loud.

He hated a lot of things about you. Like how you could read his mind, how calm you seemed about that apparent.. indirect lollipop kissing.

“Yeah.. so?” Jungwon said, clearing his throat and trying to act indifferent. You scoffed and rolled your eyes, drawing little circles on the stony ledge.

Until you looked back at him and hummed softly. “Have you had your first kiss yet?” You asked quietly, making Jungwon’s eyes turn as wide as sauce pans and his face redden like a tomato.

When he looked up, he hated how his gaze went to your lips, coated in strawberry glossiness from the lollipop.

Jungwon cleared his throat and looked down again, trying to act casual. “Y-yeah, of course..” he spoke, pouting slightly and sighing. Almost all of his friends had had their first kisses already.. it was like 13 was the special age for kissing.

You scoffed and raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly. It was obvious he was lying..

maybe he was a bit jealous since there were rumours about you already having your first kiss. He always felt the need to remind you that he was just as cool — no, cooler than you.

“Really? With who?” Jungwon froze again.. knowing you caught him. You and him both knew he was completely scared of girls.

He cleared his throat again and furrowed his eyebrows. “M-moka..!” Jungwon blurted out.

“Moka~? The Japanese exchange student who’s dating Haruto?” You cooed, teasing him in a mockingly gentle tone. He grumbled and looked down.

“Just because you already had your first kiss, doesn’t mean you can be cocky..” his words made your expression soften slightly as you paused and looked down. “I haven’t had my first kiss either..”

He raised his eyebrows and looked up at you, blushing slightly again at your words. watching as the wind blew the loose hairs of your braids softly. Awkward silence filled the air, he had no idea what to say to that..

but a bit of relief filled him when you said you hadn’t had your first kiss either.

“Do you ever just wonder if.. maybe people are making such a big deal about it?” You spoke up, turning your head back to him. “Like.. you’ve been waiting too long that you just wanna get it over with?”

Jungwon looked up at you again and gulped, his cheeks puffing up slightly as he nodded. “Mhm..” he could only say.. he felt like he was going to have a word-vomit moment if he spoke up about how he just wanted to have the experience already.

He knew he was still young, but his friends made it such a big deal.. Jungwon couldn’t help but yearn for a feeling like it too.

You tilted your head and hummed, looking at him, how his eyes teared away from you and shifted anywhere else.. his cheeks reddening crazily and his lips pursing again — that habit of his you recognised by now.

“Jungwon.. can I kiss you?”

WHAT?!

Jungwon’s breath stopped, his head shooting up as his mind ran, his heat racing. “Wh—what..?” He whispered, something in his neck stopping his volume from going higher.

You smirked and turned, shifting your position to sit in front of him and now face him. “We’ll be each other’s first kisses.. we’re already comfortable around each other, it won’t be weird.. it’s just to get our first times out of the way!”

The cogs in Jungwon’s brain were still turning, his heart beating like crazy. But he thought about your offer.. it sounded pretty reasonable, right? You were his best friend, his person.. he could talk to you about anything.

And if you seemed so cool about it, shouldn’t he be as well? He should be just as cool as you, anyway..

Jungwon looked up, his sparkly eyes nervous and his lips trembling.

“..do you wanna kiss me?” he asked.

idiot.

not even he knew what was going through his head when he asked that. he blushed in embarrassment..

The corners of your mouth raised a bit, a chuckle leaving your lips. “Do you?” You repeated his question, in a teasing and quiet voice. He gulped and looked down, getting off of leaning against his palms and slouching down, his face closer to yours..

He pursed his lips and looked down, “Maybe..” jungwon whispered, making you raise your eyebrows again. You blushed slightly but smiled, looking down again and gulping.

Your position shifted, now moving to sit facing him. He continued looking down, not wanting to look up and face you.. but before he knew it, he felt a pair of plush lips against his own..

He widened his eyes.. not expecting your lips to feel so soft.. he remembered what he saw in those romantic movies his sister made him watch.. what his friends said, ‘Dude, just relax and like.. hold her waist, girls totally love that!’

Jungwon fluttered his eyes shut, awkwardly not moving his lips, as his hand went to waist to pull you closer. You giggled and pulled away at his awkward, nervous movements.

“You really are a loser~” you said with a giggle, your cheeks still a bit flushed as your fingers went to his round cheeks to pinch and pull on them.

“Hey..” he muttered, whining quietly and closing his eyes shut as you pull on his cheeks.. his hands still on your back and waist gently, holding you closer.

He’d usually be annoyed when you’d tease him like this and pulled on his cheeks. your touch would hurt sometimes — making him swat your hand away.

But when he opened his eyes again.. something about right now..

he couldn’t find himself to care if it hurt, or it was annoying. he just found himself staring a bit too much..

and when you looked back into his eyes.. his own immediately widened, as his face turned completely red.

he looked down immediately and took his hands away from your sides. he gulped and squeezed his eyes shut in embarrassment, crossing his arms.

“Tsk.. You’re unbelievable..” you scoffed and teased with a gentle smirk on your lips again, not realising he was caught off guard by something else, something other than your teasing and pulling.

He turned back straight and pouted, trying to calm himself down. His head was still lowered to hide his red face “Sh—shut up..”

why was his heart beating so fast and loud? could you hear it? the last time he felt like this was when he was reading the new volume of wonder woman and he had a massive crush on her.

was the reason for his racing heart.. the same..? he looked at you again, but.. you were gone?

Gasp!

before he could say anything else, your eyes had brightened, you had gotten off the ledge and ran to the ice cream truck — following the lively tune. “ICE CREAM!”

you exclaimed, running to your heaven. Jungwon’s romance-high was put to halt as he rolled his eyes and took all the sweets in a bag. he picked up your cap that had fallen while you were running and quickly ran up to you.

“I already bought you a thousand sweets!”

but he knew his words were deaf on your sugar-addicted ears.

nonetheless, jungwon still felt his heart thump when you took the ice cream excitedly. he couldn’t even find it in him to reach his hand forward and wipe the ice cream off your cheek or pat your head — like he always did, but without that weird stomach—ache feeling..

“Thank you for paying again!” you exclaimed, making him roll his eyes again with a slight chuckle. “Of course~” he sarcastically cooed. you smiled anyway and crossed your arm around his and started skipping back home.

“You’re my best friend—I’ll love you forever! ..m-more than ice cream!” you said in a sing-song tone, making him giggle again as he walked with you.

jungwon pushed back the stomach-ache feeling again when he was with you.

he didn’t know what it was. he liked the feeling, but he didn’t like having it.

then again — he didn’t mind spending his childhood years with it, if it meant having you to protect him, to protect and to eat ice cream with, by his side.

❪ BUNNY TALK ❫ are my jungwon lovers here??? the predebut release of the cars outside is here !! hope you guys enjoy it a lot ^^ have a good day ><

❪ OO1 TAGLIST ❫ OPEN! fill in this google form, send an ask or comment on this post to be added! 🐇🪽

❪ PERM TAGLIST ❫ @w3bqrl @boowoowho @ahnneyong @kynrki @ixomiyu @yunki4evr @flwoie @bubblytaetae @ja4hyvn @dimplewonie @xiaoderrrr @trsrina @adajoemaya @stepout-09-15 zzegarki @ineedaherosavemeenow @lcv3lies @violetinferno @mijuuv @enhapocketz @hoonics @bubblytaetae @isoobie @dolldhn @jiaant11 @yeomha @mosssi @j-wyoung @artstaeh @spilled-coffee-cup @cowsmicwu @nishislcve @laylasbunbunny @greentulip @enhacolor @miumura @firstclassjaylee @wensurr

[mikqchoux]

the moon will sing

[klutzymaiden123]

I just wrote such a great confession scene, I’m so mad at how far away it is.

[angeltannis]

Crazy that using online payment methods with buyer protection is now considered Old and Boomerish

[kflixnet]

Check out our member Mari's drabble!!

Between the space — Lee Heeseung

Genre: angst, friends to strangers, unrequited love, wc: 970 , warnings: crying, pairing: bsf!hee x gn!reader

Mastlerist

Late at night, sitting down minding your own business. Just you lost in your thoughts, like usual. Your little bubble will burst when a voice speaks up.

“Hey what’s on your mind..?” The voice said you look up and see your best friend, Heeseung. You lower your head and speak.

“Nothing..just got distracted..” you said. He didn’t buy your words. Something was clearly wrong. “No. I don’t believe it.” Heeseung says as he sits right next to you. You look at heeseung before sighing. “Look I’m okay, don’t worry.” You spoke softly. “No yn, I know when you’re not okay. I’ve been your best friend for years.” ‘Yeah best friends…nothing more..’ you thought to yourself. “Yeah..but some things are better left unsaid..”

“And..what do you mean by that..?” Heeseung was now getting curious.. “Don’t worry about it, besides you wouldn’t want to know anyway.” Your words made him laugh, but still curious. He wanted to know what you meant by that. Unsaid?? What's the worst thing that happened..right.. Definitely what Heeseung but not you. Your relationship status wasn’t complicated. Maybe if heeseung..liked you..he did but in a friendly way.

Your feelings for him were strong, growing up with him for almost all your life. You gained feelings like most people would. Heeseung didn’t…or so you thought. Heeseung liked, LIKED. Teenager Heeseung had the fattest crush, but later he only saw you as a friend and not as a crush anymore. Of course he would never tell you that he had liked you. You on the other hand, those feelings never changed. Your younger self promised to always like him. Now..maybe you can’t keep that promise to younger you. You tried to move on before..but that was useless. Look at you now,.. so foolishly in love with someone you know that wouldn’t return those exact same feelings. That’s you’ve been trying to avoid him like the plague. The longer you were around. The more certain you would never lose feelings.

Heeseung has been very open about his love interest. A fellow classmate of his..you knew she was one of the prettiest girls you ever seen..and you can’t blame him for liking her.

“You know we haven’t been talking that much…” Heeseung spoke up. You only nodded your head, choosing not to verbally respond. “Is there any reason for that..?” He asked you. You only stared at the ground pretending to not hear him. You of course did. And heeseung also knew you heard him. “Look, don’t ignore me, I know you heard my question..” You became flushed.

“F-fine..there is but I rather not say..” you were slightly embarrassed..not wanting to expose your true feelings for him and ruining your friendship. “And why not..does it have to do with me..?” You could only nod your head. You hoped he wouldn’t ask more questions, but luck wasn’t on your side. “Did I do something wrong..?” No..no you didn’t, you wanted to tell him. But you couldn’t find the courage to actually tell him. You sighed and finally looked up, making eye contact.. “you did nothing wrong..more like I did..” You spoke..voice almost slightly cracking…

“What could you possibly have done wrong because all I know is that you're a good kid..” He wasn’t lying, you were never a troublemaker in school, just always decided to mind their own business. “It’s not that..heeseung it’s more complicated..” More complicated..? Heeseung was now confused.. he thought you were speaking nonsense at one point.

“Heeseung..look..I-i like you okay..and I know you don’t like me back..” Oh… you were still making eye contact with him..but soon enough your vision was becoming blurry. You were crying. Heeseung hated seeing you cry. It made him sad. But right now he was feeling shocked..more than sad. His childhood friend has a crush on him..he feels bad truthfully..for not being able to return to the same feelings..

‘C'mon please say something..’ you thought to yourself. You are already embarrassed by crying in front of him and knowing you would get rejected. Heeseung looked down for a quick second before speaking up. “Yn..I’m sorry..but yeah..I’m sorry..” heeseung was at a loss of words himself. He didn’t know what to say. You sob a bit harder making heeseung pull you into a hug, trying to comfort you. Just like the old days..when your young love existed, but that’s far too late.. and you’ll always blame yourself for it. You pull away from the hug and stand up..

“Don’t apologize I expected it..especially when you like y’know..” Heeseung only nodded his head at your words. “I wish it didn’t end this way..but I don’t think I can continue being friends with you..” your next sentence shocked heeseung. What do you mean? All of those years of your guy’s friendship is now being thrown out. “Huh? Yn please tell me you're joking.." Now Heeseung was close to crying. He may not have liked you in a romantic way but he still loved you and cared for you. You were his best friend and he couldn’t afford to lose you.

“I’m not..heeseung if i continue being friends with you my feelings are only going to grow stronger..then why did I try to avoid you..?” Your words made sense..you were avoiding him and now that he knows you try feelings about him. You only did it for his happiness, but you not being his friend anymore was not happy. Heeseung begged you. But you wouldn’t budge. You only apologized.

“Heeseung..I’m sorry..but thank you..I’ll still love you from afar of course..” and with that you walked away.

And that’s how the friendship ended…

Author’s note: I had trouble trying to figure out the main plot for this Drabble umm third-ish attempt at angst it sucks I know I promise to get better (I hope) anyways love you all mwah

© ynsvnte copyright 2024

[qulizalfos]

strawberry wine by noah kahan playing softly in the background :)

yall this is a redraw of one of my favorite scenes from chapter 2 of homesick. by the amazing talented kind and wonderful wayli @wayward-sherlock and basically i cannot urge you to read this fic enough - the prose, the characterization, the dialogue and the vibes are all IMPECCABLE and so, so vivid. wayli's eloquence is super impactful and i adore every sentence. also the depth and thought and care that has gone into it is INSANE. you would not believe it. genuinely. thank u so much for letting me beta this wayli i cannot emphasize enough what an HONOR it is and i love u sm<3333

click for quality, closeups under the cut🫡

[ojbrush]

Hhh are you taking requests :333 can you draw silver spoon homeless🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

I dont want to see you in my asks with this shit ever again, Izaac. 🧡🧡🧡🧡

[jewishbarbies]

recent events have me thinking back to a couple months ago when I got into it with my parents over immigration and said “if your family was in danger and you had no other option but to cross into another country illegally in search of help, you would.” that’s it. that’s all I said. both my parents were visibly pissed off and they floundered for an excuse before just replying “that’s not the same thing”, and I did clarify that they meant not the same as a mexican citizen coming into america for the same reason. they think it’s different because they’re white and american. I’ve watched both parents commit crimes in moments of necessity for the safety and health of their family members with my own eyes. it’s not different at all.

[kflixnet]

Check out our member Izzy's oneshot!!

[17:58] | tbz kim sunwoo

» ​PAIRING: tbz kim sunwoo x gn!reader (proofread a couple of times but pls tell me if i missed something!)​ » TROPE/AU​: friends to ??, friends to strangers, friends to 'just classmates', miscommunication (?) trope, i'm sorry i have no idea how to explain this tbh..., high school au!, non-idol au! » GENRE​: angsty hurt but fluffy comfort, 'friendship' breakup (with the intention of coming back together when time is right!), they both say "i love you" to each other and it's meant to be platonic but it can be interpreted romantically, if you do interpret it romantically then mutual pining that is somewhat figured out in the end???, sunwoo is also very comforting, loving, patient and understanding to reader's own worries and trusts reader in their personal journey as they figures out their own hardships in life » WORD COUNT: 3576​ » ESTIMATED READING TIME: 13 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): hardships with past relationships with others, anxiety and fear regarding making bonds with other people, running away as a mechanism to escape reality

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

how blessed i am to have you beside me when real life doesn't work out. how blessed i am to be able to go on the main chat and just be myself. how blessed i am to be able to call you my friends. how blessed i am to be accepted by people over the internet, who ended up supporting me in one of the hardest times of my life.

i love you all. i'm sorry that i'm unable to include everyone but i hope you know that in friendship groups, everyone has an effect on one another. even if person a isn't close to person c, person b may be the reason why you're still in the same group together. we all influence each other and i love you all so much.

i'm so sorry for everything.

"So what? That's it?"

The solemn tone in his voice makes the hues of orange and pink in the sky behind him take away the beauty of the scene you both love. It seemed that even the birds that would usually sing beautifully at this time stopped as soon as you opened the door of your house, knowing well who used his entire fist to bang on your door.

Sunwoo's bangs stuck to his forehead well, showing the physical exertion that his body took to get to your house. His school blouse is half untucked and you realise that maybe he rushed out of gym class in the last period because of his mismatched buttons and how his tie wasn't around his collar properly. His eyes flared with a hint of sadness though the confusion and anger masked most of the emotion behind. Your eyes diverted down to his untied shoelace. Usually, you would scold him and he would give that annoying smile to you, shrugging his shoulders and being completely relaxed whilst answering you with a "You're going to do it for me anyways." Judging by his slumped-over school bag, you guessed that he probably threw it to your 'welcome' carpet as soon as he arrived—even though he knew that he probably wasn't considering that you've been avoiding his entire presence for a whole month.

But even when Sunwoo looks at you with that heartbroken gaze straight to your tired, cold eyes, you don't utter any words to him. The slight bounce of your head made him turn his head away, clenched fists beside his body. You also found your arms crossing around your waist, palms hooked around your figure and your fingers wrapped around your body to ground the tears that you knew would flow if you didn't keep telling yourself to 'keep it together'.

"Don't you think I deserve some kind of explanation?" 

Just from a glance at him, you note the tiredness on his face even with his furrowed eyebrows. Not once did he raise his voice at you even though you can see how he's holding back with how tense his jaw is.

"God, Sunwoo." You exclaim to him with a sarcastic laugh after, "I get that we literally became the best of friends as soon as we met two months ago but shit happens and you can't expect an explanation for everything that happens."

"Of course not!" Sunwoo's voice rises though it doesn't seem to shock you. "Shit happens, I know! But at the same time, I never thought our friendship was so weak and insignificant that you could ignore me for more than a month. I know you read my messages! The app can't show me that but I know!"

"Ok fine, I did!" You spill the truth that you've been holding back. "What are you going to do about it? They’re my messages, not yours!"

Sunwoo didn't know how to counter that. Maybe there wasn't a way to counter the statement because it's true. But you both knew that the unresponded messages were only the tip of the iceberg of why Sunwoo finally decided to confront you for your isolation from him.

"What happened?" Fragile and weak, shoulder dropping closer to the ground, "Talk to me. I'm here for you."

And he breaks. 

The tears that he only released in his bedroom were finally showing itself. He didn't think that it would be infront of you first. He thought that maybe his other friends would see it first but that one tear that escaped was the start of his waterfall. 

"You wouldn't understand." You slightly scowl at the innocent boy, forcing the words between your teeth, "I mean that wholeheartedly and not from some cliche teen romance movie shit." 

The venomous response he gets to his genuine question only makes Sunwoo frown further and he verbally starts to express the tears from his eyes. Seeing him cry and swallow down his whimpers struck a chord in your own confusing heart as well.

The truth is that you're scared. 

You're scared as hell.

You're scared of the fact that even though you met Sunwoo two months ago, you grew so fast to him.

There were days that sometimes he would understand you more than your best friend of five years.

Do you know how scary that is? 

To connect with someone so fast that sometimes all you want to do after a long day is to text them about all the minuscule things to the bigger things that would make your jaw drop.

To open that messaging app, spam him with short sentences, and feel the guilt of passing the dot beside the other messages that your other friends sent first, to just open your conversation with him first?

The confusion that you finally felt at home with someone so quickly and that you felt that when you never expected it to happen? All you ever wanted from your relationship with others was to be included.

Kim Sunwoo did just that in a span of a month compared to five years.

You would spend nights figuring out how it happened but no matter how much you thought of it, you couldn't find that one specific message and timestamp both in your phone or memories of how you would wake up and just hope for a chaotic message from him. 

One mutual turned to two, which turned to three and the euphoric feeling increased exponentially. However, so did the fear escalated further when you got included in the group chat with the friends that he had before you both met. 

You have always been amazed at their friendship. Despite the small age difference here and there between each person, despite using honorifics to still respect that age gap, it never stopped the radiant chaoticness that they brought everywhere they went, in everything they did. Their personalities that are so different but work together so well to the point that it makes you believe that opposites do attract.

Their differing body clocks that would mean that the group chat never dies no matter where the clock hands land. Being able to connect with them, making genuine bonds through all the bullying (that is full of love), heart-to-heart or supportive conversations, relatable life struggles relating to schoolwork and living, fangirling about their achievements in life, asking for help with things that you’re confused about, the fun flirtings that would leave the others speechless—you realise that this is all you've ever wanted and the fact that you received it when you were at your lowest guard, scared every single part of you.

The very first few moments when you came, you were jealous of their bond, wondering how they became so close even through their differences. Then, as time passed and you inserted yourself in the conversations, it felt like you were flying across a cloudless sky, feeling reassured that your wings wouldn't get wet from the rain. After, you became scared of your presence with them, scared of ultimately breaking them apart.

But, do you know the irony of it all? 

You were the one who decided to ignore not only Sunwoo but every single kind-hearted person there. No one pushed that on you. But whenever they would post their photos on the group chat for distribution, reminisce their memories together, or when you would hear one of them talk about it with people outside the group chat, you find yourself jealous and hurt that you weren't part of it all.

Does anyone understand the confusion, guilt, self-hate and pain that it all brings?

"How do you know if I would understand or not if all you've done is left me on read in an app that can't even tell me that?"

Your breath hitches and your voice box only lets out a small gasp. Everything Sunwoo is saying is correct because everything is due to your insecurities and fear that everything will just fall apart. You truly believe in the fact that nothing lasts forever. That belief alone is the reason why you have trouble making friends.

Because for you, why would you put yourself in so much happiness that your cheeks would hurt from the laughter and smiles when you know that everything would end anyway?

But at the same time, your heart is trying to pull you in the opposite direction. Because in a similar logic, if you know that nothing lasts forever, why can't you just accept that fact and cherish him, the memories and the times that you could potentially spend together?

"Sunwoo," right now, you allowed the facts to speak out for you, refusing to follow what you truly wanted, "you have been blessed with the most lovely, encouraging and supportive group of friends. You and me," your index finger points to your chest after pointing at his, "we have experienced totally different friendships."

Sunwoo is beyond confused. Of course, he would be. You've never even given him a chance to understand your experiences. What you did was isolate yourself from him and the group chat that has given you hope that maybe, just maybe, this is your group of people. Your heart broke beyond what you could even comprehend when some of them personally sent a message to you, asking your whereabouts and hoping that you were doing well. On lonely nights as you monitor the cheerful group chat, all you can do is intertwine your hands together around your phone, the tips of your fingers turning white due to the pressure as you hold yourself back from including yourself in the fun conversation.

"Sorry but maybe I'm just not ready."

Sunwoo watches your blank stare, your eyes that used to be so full of glimmer and happiness are now void. He took in the fact that you were probably half-conscious at the current moment as you just stared at whatever was just above his shoulder in the distance but he didn't need to turn around to know that you were not focusing on anything in particular.

He wipes the tears that clouded his view of you before carefully asking, "For what?" 

Your shoulders rise but they hold their position for a second longer before falling back down, "For whatever this friendship is."

Your eyes catch the way his eyebrows crash together as well as the audible nervous gulp and shaky lips, "Is our friendship just 'whatever' to you now?" The volume decreases with each word in the question.

The heaviness in your heart that you carried the past month started to take its toll on your head and you closed your eyes to focus on the chilling wind hitting your face. Sunwoo watches quietly, still waiting patiently for you to ground yourself back to the present. The boy watches your arms untangle from your chest, dropping back to the side of your body and he finds himself wishing that if he stepped forward and opened his arms, you would reciprocate the same loving action back. 

But he knew you wouldn't. Not now when you flutter your eyes open so delicately with an emotion that he has never seen from you.

"I'll always love you, Sunwoo.” 

These are the words that manage to both break and put the pieces of his heart back together. There is no way he could admit it to you now, especially with how things are going but deep down in the lonely past month that he spent, it’s the exact words that he has been waiting and wanting to say to you as he wishes that he could hear it back from you. Now that he has heard it straight from you, not through written text or a voice message, but face to face, his world starts to rebuild itself slowly.

You both only focused on each other’s faces like it would be the last time you both would ever be able to do so. You straighten your back, no longer slumping and cowering away in fear now that you’ve said the words that have always been on your mind. With your slightly newfound confidence and a somewhat lighter heart, Sunwoo sees a bit of colour start to paint your once-pale skin. Your slightly pink cheeks that are in the same beautiful shade as your lips. Your eyelashes that flutter silently in the cold weather around you—and he finds himself wanting to bring your body in a hug to bring some warmth for you both—and finally, your eyes that held all the stories, ones spoken and unspoken, the same ones that he would eventually find himself thanking the teacher for assigning your seat next to his. 

In the silence that held many meanings for you both, you observe your best friend as well. Your neck tilts slightly to accommodate the height difference, watching how some of his bangs are now free from his sweat and are now in a mess due to the wind, his big round eyes that would disappear mischievously whenever he would tease you about something, only to soon have his bright, wide smile mirrored back to your face. You realise now more than ever that you may never see that cute gummy smile of his anytime soon. 

But you needed to be true to yourself. You needed to figure out your feelings first before you could commit to another friendship that could tear you apart once again. 

You needed to learn to love yourself again before you could go and introduce yourself to others.

Through your friendship with Sunwoo, though short and sweet but still special, you promise that after this, you will never put someone else in this kind of feeling ever again. Things would change from now on and there’s very little that you can do regarding your friendship with Sunwoo now, especially when you were the one who made the mess.

Maybe now after this revelation, he wouldn’t want to be near you anymore or maybe he will wait for you. Maybe he won’t tap on your shoulder anymore during class when you’re dazing off into the gloomy sky and just let you get in trouble with your teacher who will have called your name multiple times. Maybe as he passes by the hallway, his arms around his friends, he won’t even spare you a glance, reserving his smile for just them instead.

But again, there’s nothing you can do now. The words have been said and actions regarding the words have already been carried out.

Did you regret it? 

The shortest and fastest answer: Yes. 

Maybe you could’ve just come clean and told him how you feel. Sunwoo would then do that thing where you both would walk to the nearby park by the school and listen to your rants patiently, straightening and bending his legs as he sits on the swing to give him a bit of momentum, nodding thoughtfully to your worries. Then after, he would stretch his arm from behind the chains and pat your slumped back rhythmically. Just like every single time after that, you would both go for a bubble tea run before Sunwoo would panic text you about an assignment or homework that he forgot to complete and you would panic with him, helping him through the all-nighter that you both have gotten concerningly used to.

…gosh, why didn’t you just do that?

If this friendship was going to end anyway, why didn’t you take the easier, non-confusing, less painful way for the both of you? Why did you have to drag others through so much heartbreak just because of your cowardice? Why did you have to be so unthoughtful and unfair to everything and everyone that you genuinely love? You don't care if you have to get hurt as long as they're fine.

Please…just not them.

You are so unfair, unkind and selfish. He was the one pulling the weight of the friendship and you led him on blindly with that fake smile of yours, pretending that everything was fine. The audacity of you to even wish during the times when you cried alone underneath the blanket that he would forgive you. 

You wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t—that thought also extended to your other ten dear friends too.

A few more minutes pass and you are the one who breaks the prolonged eye contact after putting the features of his face into your memory. Sunwoo could only let out a solemn smile, his feet planted still on the ground even though his legs shook a little bit and he clasped his hands together infront of him, looking down at the grey pavement of your entrance for the first time since he arrived.

“Okay.”

The words seemed more permanent than both of you liked but it was the only response that Sunwoo could give to you at the moment. He missed the way you dropped your head to face the ground. Your body moves to lean over to one side of the doorframe, both your hands reaching over to clench the white metal to keep your posture and emotions somewhat stable.

The bag that was in your field of vision gets dragged away from your figure and you know from the shadow that Sunwoo is dusting off the dirt, ready to walk away for the day—from the friendship that you ruined. The sun behind him has almost fully hidden itself behind the taller buildings that you would have always thanked whenever you were in your room, wanting to get away from its scorching heat and intense light but now, you wished it would stay around longer…just a little bit longer. 

But maybe, Sunwoo is your sun and he hears your internal pleading because he steps forward, his everyday school sneakers coming into your view. 

“Whenever you’re ready, alright?”

Maybe it was your growing heartache and headache but the way he mutters it, just a volume above the singing crickets as the birds retreat their song for the day, seemed genuine. Most importantly though, it didn’t seem permanent at all. It’s almost as if Sunwoo is telling you indirectly that he will always wait for you. To tell you to figure out your internal fight first but that he’ll always give you a helping hand and that boba treat if you ever call him for help. To tell you that he will always get you in trouble during class and stick his tongue out if he’s successful. To tell you to stop ignoring him in school now that he is getting some sort of closure from you. 

Thankful for the memories and comfort, your head rises from the depths of your darkness and Sunwoo shines brighter than the huge star behind him. For what you both know will be the last one in a while, Sunwoo purposely lets out a loud sigh, one that is playful and is accommodated by the upturned corner of his lips before resting his open palm on the top of your head.

“I will always wait for you.” 

To his words, the stars in your eyes fell and for once, you were glad that you finally showed your tears to him. You hoped that he would know just how much you are genuinely sorry for all of this. Giving him an actually convincing nod that he seemed to accept. You watch your best friend stuff his hands inside his pocket, turning away from your front door and walking his way back down the stairs to being just classmates—just for now.

No more words were exchanged after and everything seems to pass by excruciatingly slow. Neither of you had the courage and strength left in your being to call out for the other anymore. Sunwoo would go back to his friends and you would be left alone but that’s alright because you love them all. You would gladly kick yourself out of the picture if it meant that there would be no awkwardness or unsettling feeling in the group.

As soon as Sunwoo disappears from your sight, he takes all the happiness and warmth that he would offer to you unconditionally, but you also hope that he left all his worries and frustrations here at your front door. The clicking of the door when you close it is empty and the dragging steps that you take to the other end of the hallway to your room are still heavy. You had no more words for the devil in your head that laughed at you victoriously, the insecurities bouncing from the purple walls of your room as you sat at the edge of your bed.

But when your phone turns on with a notification that you didn’t expect, you know that the angel inside your head will be working their hardest to strengthen your mindset. There, visible from your lock screen is a new message from Sunwoo. Between your sniffles, you manage to let out a momentary chuckle at the new profile picture: Sunwoo behind you wrapping his arms around your neck, holding his phone out on selfie mode for the both of you to smile at—it’s the latest picture of you both. Your eyes then divert to the new message, one that would push you to keep going until you could face him once more and be back in his arms:

“I’ll always love you too.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿

[geesehell]

i needa take a piss so bad rn ngl w yall (art in the honor of urs dearest @takensoulss)

[dragoninahumancostume]

My favorite part of being alive is that I've never felt welcome in any space except for that one year when I thought I was a non-binary bisexual asexual girl when I was 13 :)

[kflixnet]

Check out our member Izzy's oneshot!

that's him, that's just who he is | tbz choi chanhee | new

"At least between us both,” the camera shutters and you take a shaky inhale, “one of us took the right path.”

​PAIRING » tbz choi chanhee (new) x gn!reader (proofread twice—lmk if i made a mistake!)​ TROPE/AU » ​friends 2 strangers, highschool au!, non-idol au!, idol au! (chanhee towards the end) GENRE​ » angsty angst angst, unread messages, comforting friendship, supporting friendship, you both attend the same music academy, you both are preparing to become celebrities/idols! WORD COUNT » 4168 (no seriously, 2k word limit who?) ESTIMATED READING TIME » 15 mins WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » financial difficulties, stress relating to: money, music, balancing friendships-work-school, upwards comparisons, failure at achieving dream job (reader's side), unsupportive teachers

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series introduction 🤍 series masterlist 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

my third story! i take it back when i said that the second is my favourite story because this is my new (no pun intended) favourite story. i had to stop multiple times because it hit me too many times 🥹👍

well...the self insert is really real here 🫂 and this got seriously personal (let's see how many times i say this with this series 👀)

big respect to chanhee for balancing his education, preparing to be an idol and having a part time job 🫂 i respect him so much

thank you for reading honey bee ☘️🐝 @sanaxo-o and happiest birthday to you!! this story isn't much of a gift since you've read it before but there is the other one hehe 💕

Unlike most of your other lessons, this one passed by as quickly as a blink of an eye. It might be because the air conditioner in the room was set to the perfect temperature or the way the tie around your collar didn’t suffocate you too much or maybe, it was the way that you were practically showered with a bunch of compliments as soon as you took a deep breath from your diaphragm, lifted your cheekbones and sung your heart out.

Swiftly, you smile at the affirming nods that your teacher gave you, writing down her notes to the three-minute performance that you were assigned to for the last month. Across the whole month, you recall the way the tip of the pen scratches the plastic board vigorously, tapping rapidly and furiously throughout the longest three minutes of your life. Usually, you would be assigned a new song every three weeks or have two songs to practice for five weeks. On the times that you didn’t succeed, it would be a hell lot of criticism, tears and punches on the wall as soon as you exited the small studio. Heck, even with the times when the tears made it out in the room, you could tell that even though she toned down her volume, those eyes looked at you no further than disinterest—sometimes she would unmistakably roll her eyes too.

It has always been in short, sickening.

Those were the times that you wanted to just rip out your vocal cords, swear that you would never sing again, not that you even could at that point, and run away from the one thing that gave you life in your tiring days.

“Pick a song.”

The statement made your head slightly crane forward towards your suddenly easygoing teacher. You let out a confusing hum and question to which she responds with an amused smile.

“I can…choose?”

“You can’t truly be a singer if you don’t know what songs fit you best or if you need someone to pick what songs you should sing. You don’t have to choose a challenging song yet. You’ve been singing for the past half year and you’re good at it, but you really only found your style recently and I would rather you focus on further developing it.” She shrugs leisurely after, “It’s up to you though.”

Either way, I’m still going to get paid.

Numerous song titles juggle in your mind, the different lyrics and tunes playing in your head as the memories of your lives flash through their respective melodies. However, it wasn’t easy for your mouth to announce any of the songs, your mind thinking of all the technicalities within each song that would definitely challenge the fragile, insecure side of you.

But art is a special type of hobby.

It’s one of those hobbies that no one would ever be able to ‘perfect’. Somebody would always criticise and pick it apart ruthlessly—and you would always have to pick up their words and carry them deep within your heart.

“Are you sure?” The way that she tilts her head to the side after writing down your choice says everything.

But you stood your ground.

You’ve been in love with this song for so long and all you wanted to do was to learn it properly. Who knows when you’ll be given the chance to pick again? So, with the bravest smile and the most convincing nod that your shaking body could give, she does her final notes on that worn-out notebook of hers. She also recites your homework and expectations for the next lesson before excusing your presence from the room.

You couldn't wait to scream the excitement out of your body, tell your parents and your best friend about what just happened, analyse the song and its technical aspec—

"I just don't think you'll make it."

You halt your steps and your journey. For such a good music academy, these rooms seriously needed thicker walls. You were genuinely surprised that you were still able to focus on your lessons (most of the time) through all the electric guitar, drum kits and unfortunately, other singers who were unable to hit those certain high notes.

It's times like these that you wish the academy could invest in their building more. You were lucky that your lesson room is located at the end of the hallway meaning that your criticism could only be heard by you, the teacher and maybe the two rooms in front and beside yours.

Chanhee wasn't so fortunate, being at the very front, the first door on the left. It left him vulnerable. The voice cracks, the times when he would go off tune or the rare times when he missed his count. It would all mercilessly be heard by anyone who would pass by just to go to the toilet or refill their empty, cold coffee mug.

You stood next to the wall where the glass doors of the lesson door, biting your bottom lip and you noticed how Chanhee wouldn’t even say anything to his teacher’s words. You could imagine how he had his head hung low, nodding occasionally at the words and was forced to repeat the same line over and over and over again until he got it right. You prayed silently in your heart and mind that time would go quicker for him so that he could walk out, breathe in some fresh air and take a break from the suffocating practice room.

When the door clicks open, Chanhee has that tired, sad smile to you that he gives most of the time. Your eyebrows fell a little but you were still able to give him an encouraging one back.

“No?” You asked even though you very much knew the answer.

“No.” He quietly affirms after a short pause.

“I’m still proud of you though.” Just like any other day at school, after lessons or any other time, you lightly punch his shoulder, him chuckling and shoving you back. “I guess…that’s why they’re called ‘lessons’ after all.”

The realisation of your words made Chanhee groan. Lessons that are made throughout a lifetime—one that he has been attending for a year and a half unlike you who only started at the start of the year. He gave up his time with his friends, time to study which most of society thinks is the best way to secure a well-financed job, and gave up his money to buy clothes for himself that he just walked past whenever he knew he would get tempted. All those part-time jobs, ones that would go late into the still busy nights of Seoul or the ones early in the morning before school when most people would still be snoring, were all done with his dream that someday his voice would be heard by the world.

“How did yours go?”

You know that you should just be truthful. You both have been stuck to the hip for the last few years and Chanhee is not an easy person to deceive. Plus, you need to take into consideration as well of lying at this current moment. You didn’t want Chanhee to think that you were trying to make him feel better by potentially pitying him. What good would that bring to anyone right now in this situation? That’s not what friends do.

“I was given a chance to choose a song.” The small genuine, congratulatory smile that Chanhee gives makes you relax your back into the wall further, the tension easing away from your body. “I also managed to get through that vocal run that I’ve been agonising and crying to you about for the past week.” You slump your body against the wall as you recall your homework, “But she gave me more scales to use as runs for practice.”

“Scales really do suck.” Chanhee whispers to you teasingly, once again getting pushed by you.

“Yeah.” You acknowledge shortly after. “But it does help me with my breathing and flexibility which I highly suck at.”

“Hey,” he scolds your words lightly, “at least you have a distinctive sound and know how to put emotions according to the sound. My teacher just said I sound generic.”

Yes. That description for Chanhee—no, just any singer—is weird and you would dare to say, highly misleading.

If we’re talking about musical terms, every single singer has a unique timbre. Even if the note stays the same, every person will have a different tone colour because well, every person is different. Saying that a singer has a generic voice, highly contradicts the definite concept of instrument timbre.

You know how much this troubled Chanhee even though he tries his best to hide it. The comments about his timbre have been repeated so many times that it’s got to him a lot. In the beginning, he would just smile bitterly and indicate that he wouldn’t want to talk about the lesson, kicking the group of stones on the pathway to release his anger. However, as you both grew closer after an assigned duet performance, he was able to open up to you little by little, slowly but surely, keeping the friendship that grew even after you did your ending bow to the audience. He would still hide a little bit of his feelings to himself, embarrassed that he would talk about himself even though you reassured him that it was completely fine.

To him, how others see him is the most important thing for him. From the compliments that would grow the contagious smile on his face, to the heartbreaking crying scenes that he would hide from the rest of the world, all those words he took to heart so that he could improve himself as a person—and in this case, as an artist. In this harsh world, the words that would be spat out by teachers would be so deeply etched in a person’s heart that all of a sudden, giving up everything that they have worked so hard for would be easier done.

It’s during those times that you and Chanhee would lean on each other, reassuring each other not to run away from the weekly lessons and giving comfort after each one. Chanhee is internally grateful for the times that you would hold his shoulders, lightly shaking his frail, tired body before giving him words of encouragement. He would do a similar thing for you when you feel like you didn’t progress, stopping your self-criticism and pushing you to keep going. To you, he would just let you cry on his shoulder as you hug him tight, patting your back calmingly.

The light snowing season greets the both of you as soon as you exit the building. For you, your next destination is home but for Chanhee, ninety-eight percent of the time it would be his job at the barbeque restaurant, the seafood restaurant or even that new Chinese restaurant that he recently just started.

Given the good results of your lesson, you selfishly wanted to have some fun but the words died down in your throat when you slightly turned your head towards your friend. His black hair still peaked out from the beanie that kept both of his ears warm, the scarf that you gifted him hid the slight downturn of his lips and the physical expression of his heavy heart. His eyelashes fluttered away the snowflakes in the cold but still bright night and his rosy cheeks only grew brighter and more evident the slower the journey to your next destination would take.

“Just a little penguin in his somewhat natural habitat?” Your attempt to get a response out from him is successful when you see his cheekbones rise—the same way that they would rise whenever he sings his heart out.

“What a way to start a conversation.”

Your heart lightens at your successful attempt, linking your right arm with his as you continue to walk down the still-shared path that makes the distance between all your worries and yourself further away. However, like all journeys, you finally arrive at that one spot.

The one that split into two different roads, unlike the one you have been walking a few minutes ago.

The right road would take you both to safety, warmth and relaxation.

The left road would force you to unlink Chanhee’s arm, sending him to the busy, loud civilisation where he would put on his apron and raise the pitch of his voice fit for customer service.

“Are you…off to work?” He senses the sadness lingering in your voice and the way your right hand tightens around his forearm even through the thick, winter clothes.

“…yeah.”

“I see.” You managed to muster a stable response tone. “Come on, I’ll drop you there.” You turn your body towards the crowd but can’t go too far due to the other set of feet that stays grounded on the worn-down, cold stone floor, “Chanhee?”

“Maybe…” Suddenly, the sky starts to sprinkle down its pretty shapes of ice. “I’m just not meant to be a singer.”

You gasp quietly, the faint white exhale slowly disappearing behind the dark background. Seeing the tears finally slide down his cheeks made you realise one thing: he’s opening up. He’s doing the thing that he has tried to hide from everyone. In tune with his emotions, your eyes started to build their layer of moisture, the wind making it harder for you to keep your tears in. You couldn’t think straight, your free arm wiping your eyes to rid the hardships from your face while trying to give Chanhee words of encouragement.

“You’re going to get ther—”

“What if you had to give up so much,” He cut you off, gasping and inhaling more air to accommodate his crying, “earn so much money, gave it away and it didn’t give you good results? Whatever it may be…An event, a trip, an investment.” His voice gradually trails off as he lists life occurrences.

You’ve thought about the same thing thousands of times, back and forth, no matter where, when and who you were with. In a world where pursuing art can be a hard, long path, what would happen if nothing good were to come out of it? All your hard work, all your money, all your time…you’ll never be able to get those back.

Is it worth it? Is it worth the gamble?

“I would probably beat myself over it.” You tried to keep your whimpers at bay as you confessed the same answer that would come back every time you went on your downward spiral, “I would most probably always question why I did what I did. If I did the event with someone, and for some reason, they were the ones that made the situation bad, then I would’ve gone back and forth, asking myself if it was worth it. Why didn’t I go alone? Why was I so scared? What was I so scared of?”

Should you move to a different academy? But your teacher is well known. Should you still do it anyway? Knowing that you had to go through many processes and hardships to even get lessons with this teacher. Even if most of the time, you felt like giving up music, surely her experience would lead you to someplace good…right?

“But then…would answering those questions lead to happiness?” Chanhee scoffs at his absurd thoughts. Tilting his head to the sky, he relishes the way the snowflakes land on his pale skin, disappearing when they touch his skin, the side branches melting into his warmth. “Even after answering the question, would you be able to know what to do next? What would it lead to?”

Even though Chanhee was the first one to cry and break down, your wails were louder the more his words resonated within you, touching the parts of your heart that you never wanted to say out loud, scared of where and how your unconscious mind would take you. With everything in him, he untangles his arms to wrap them around your neck, patting the back of your head as you cry on his shoulder. He also lets his tears soak your scarf, resting his cheek on his arm and his chapped wavering lips rubbing against the delicate wool of your scarf, trying his best to soften his cries.

“I just…” One of his hands pats your back, giving you his comfort—even though he probably needed it more than you, “Music and singing used to be happiness that could fit in my pocket. It felt secure and safe. I could just put on my earphones and I’ll feel happy.” You notice the tighter hold after, “But music grew too fast and too big for me that I couldn’t catch up with it anymore.”

You only nod to his words, knowing how much Chanhee sacrificed to pay for his lessons. Some judged him, calling him stuck up and selfish even though they knew that he was independent in his journey to become a singer. It pains you to hear those words come out as scoffs and laughter and soon enough, you hold his hand and cut ties with them all, leaving their flabbergasted faces behind.

The sky starts to cry with you both beautifully in the form of its unique icy shapes. You both watch the snowflakes disappear on the ground, on each other clothing, on your noses. Finding the strength and breath to continue, you slowly push your body away, wiping the last bit of your tears to face your best friend straight into his eyes.

“You’re going to find happiness that you can rely on, Chanhee.” You couldn’t see his lips but you were sure that it was pouting and shivering, “It may be music or it may be something that music brings you. It may be the stage or maybe people who you will come to work with or maybe the people who will cheer you on but I’m sure you’ll find it soon.”

Even with the bustling environment around you both, there was no way that you could have missed his muttering, especially with the white puff of air, “At this rate…”

He feels the weight and pressure of your palms on both his shoulders but he still looks down to the ground where the snow slowly buries the sides of his shoes, “I promise you that if you keep going, I don’t have a single doubt that you’ll find your style. Regardless of what your crappy teacher says, you’re unique and I love your voice.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.” Wiping the lone tear on his cheek, “The world is going to be amazed when they hear your voice and I'm sure you'll be a good influence to them.”

For the first time in the day, Chanhee finally smiled. You observe the way his eyes disappear into pretty little upside-down moons. His head tilts back slightly, revealing the upturned corner of his lips behind the scarf that kept him warm and his teeth shine brighter with the help of the light from the marketplace behind you. Your hands were able to finally relax and mirrored the same expression back to your now radiant friend.

“Promise me that we’ll stand on the same stage someday.”

But life plays a twisted fate on you both and loves to put more pressure than you can ever carry. Having to move to a different school and a different region is not on your list of expectations. You argued endlessly about the decision to move, feeling unfair that none of your opinions mattered to them as they relentlessly started to look for moving trucks to hire. With the good offer that your dad received and realising that the youngest in the family had no final say, you tried your best to hold back the tears when telling Chanhee the news.

He cries for you and himself, already imagining the loneliness of walking to the music academy after a long day of school and the drags of his feet across the gravel in the night after each lesson. You assured him that you would call often and unlike you, he promised you the same thing. Time told you both that your friendship was still strong despite the physical distance between you both and with time, so did both your musical skills.

The trade-off for talent in your friendship is the less frequent phone calls and text messages. It was decreasing steadily and slowly until eventually, there was no more red dot beside his name on your phone even though you're sure there would be one beside your name on his. When sadness turned into confusion, then morphed into anger, hate and bitterness whenever someone asked you about him, you still found yourself swiping through your many photos with him. Just like how he cries on your last day, you cry from the silence of him.

Thankfully, time did heal your heart even though you couldn’t find a friend like him ever again. Things have changed for you and you were sure that it was the same for Chanhee. You grew taller, changed your hairstyle, hobbies, dreams and aspirations. What time didn’t seem to change however was the delivered sign that never changed with your messages. You let it go and went on with your life.

When you did come back to Seoul, you realised that the city had changed drastically. You wondered if it’s really that or if you were just struggling to remember the city that you once walked around in every day. But unlike your thoughts, maybe Seoul did change drastically. Amid the new but still bustling environment, there was this one cafe that was incredibly packed. Needing to get away from the cold, you entered to be greeted with a well-decorated interior and the gold ‘Happy Birthday New’ balloon shines brightly, especially with the light that is right above it. Many were posing in front of the gold foil fringe backdrop.

You almost didn’t recognise the boy in the picture. You don’t remember when you took your scarf off and picked up a random framed picture in the frame before picking up another one next to it, and another one, and another one. Each showed his growth. You could tell not only from his appearance but also from the bigger stage that he performed along with ten other boys. Suddenly, it clicks and it all makes sense. Hearing everyone else around you talk about him fondly took away the heavy weight that his name brought and a new feeling overtook your heart.

For the first time in a very long time, seeing his face made you smile and it didn’t hurt.

Your phone slides into your shaking hands, swipe open the camera app from the lock screen and point it at the framed picture in your hand, “At least between us both,” the camera shutters and you take a shaky inhale, “one of us took the right path.”

You know from the laughter in the space, the feeling of the radiant energy of those around you and the happiness on people’s faces as they point their cameras to their fanmade goods and the interior of the place, that Choi Chanhee has done it. The stage looked extremely good on him, even if the light was too bright and he looked so pale sometimes.

“I’m glad it was you.”

You whisper somewhat solemnly and with a bit of jealousy. Your clenched fist is a puny attempt in trying to keep your tears from expressing the hurt that suddenly hit you as you recall that moment in your life. The multiple rejections to the companies that you auditioned for, the way people on the streets pass by more frequently as their ears and eyes are focused on other’s performances—the night where you listed all your musical instruments for sale and promised that you would never sing ever again.

“You shy, talented, loveable penguin.” And it would seem that his fans agree with the chosen animal with the pouting blue penguin on top of his head. “That’s just who you are, Chanhee.”

Maybe the fame wasn’t for you. Shortly after moving, you found out that the stage was more of a hobby, especially with how you just wanted to stand on stage but never wanted to practise and study music theory properly. You just wanted to shout out the lyrics and sentimentally sing the lyrics of existing songs instead of having your name in an album or next to the credits and royalty rights to the song. But knowing that it fit Chanhee well, it was more than enough for you. He may not have known it before but you wish with all your being that he knows his capability to make others smile, including you.

Even if your broken smile is within millions that he probably would never see from the podium that rightfully held him high.

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series introduction 🤍 series masterlist 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿@sanaxo-o @astrae4

[haunt0ravensong]

The House Guest

Summary: After a falling out with the entire gang, Kieran went off on his own and found a cabin for sale just outside of Emerald Ranch. Rumors had circulated the small ranch he works in about the cabin and how the previous owner said little people lived in their walls. He didn't think it was true until he met the tiny man himself.

Author's Note: This is an AU, obviously. Everyone is alive and had gone their own way. Arthur, Sean Lenny, and Kieran deserved better than what they got. I'm still new to writing on here so I hope you guys enjoy this :3

@pirate-pizza-party I got one done finally 👀

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Eyes watched a critter skitter about in the rundown house's kitchen. For now it's only Kieran in the new place he found himself in. It isn't much, just a lonesome cabin that was for sale just outside of Emerald Ranch. He bought it for himself when Dutch's gang had their falling out.

The previous owner died of old age, but apparently was senile as well and was mocked by their wild stories of a tiny sized man living in the walls.

Well, it seems that the elder wasn't senile after all.

 Kieran had heard stories of these tiny people- Borrowers, if he recalls, from a former calvary man in the army. Borrowers aren't entirely human looking, sometimes having some animal features to better suit their needs. But most of all, Borrowers are usually terrified of people and will move to a different place if seen. 

To be honest, Kieran never believed it, but… now he's proven wrong. If the calvary man was still alive, he'd apologize for not believing, however he decides to watch the tiny being.

From what Kieran could guess, he'd say the little one is around three, maybe four inches tall. He's assuming it's the tiny man that the elder spoke of so he's going to say "he" until told otherwise. Aside from his height, Kieran spotted what looks like a long and fuzzy tail picking up a crumb and putting it inside a very small rusack hanging off his side.

One thing that amazes him is that the little one hasn't even felt his gaze yet. At the same time though, he doesn't want him to notice he's there. If he can find a way just to talk to him, maybe he won't leave.

Kieran stayed lost in his thoughts until a tiny yelp and scattering of the silverware left on the counter got his attention. He had been finally spotted.

By the time he looked to where the tiny man was, he was already inside the mouse hole by the sink. Kieran felt terrible for scaring him off although that would've happened anyways just because of him being a scary giant.

"I'm sorry for scarin' ya," he softly whispered once close enough to the mouse hole. "I didn't mean to. Here-" he fished out a small piece of chocolate he had, "- you don't gotta accept it. It's just a peace offerin'. I'm movin' into this cabin soon so if ya stay, ya might be seein' more of me. Just know that… I'm not gonna hurt ya. Ever."

He stepped away and went upstairs to see the rest of the place so he could see what needed to be done. It was in rough shape, but nothing he couldn't fix, he remembered having to fix many posts or tents with the gang.

After finally moving in and fixing up the stable and house, Kieran began to notice that the tiny man seemed to be slightly more comfortable with being seen by him. The tiny man hasn't introduced himself yet, but he'd been either giving waves or leaving small items like pieces of silver or jewelry out for him to see. He believes that they're gifts so he accepts them and leaves out bits of food and water for him in return.

This cycle had gone on for a few weeks, and while Kieran was thankful that the man hadn't left, he still felt a little… sad that he won't get near him. He understands though and refuses to try and rush knowing him. He himself was more reserved as well.

Kieran is getting ready to head back into Emerald Ranch for his job when he spotted the tiny man watching him from atop his dresser. He smiled and waved to him, and he got a wave back along with a long tail wagging like crazy. He chuckled thinking of it being more akin to a whip than a dog tail.

He carefully stepped to the dresser and bent down to get a closer look, "Hey there."

 "Hi!" The man responded back, shocking Kieran a moment before smiling even more.

 "Seems like yer excited." He softly chuckled, "Got plans today?"

 This question seemed to change the mood slightly. Not in a bad way though. The tiny man looked down to his feet and curled his tail enough around him to begin fidgeting with it. Was he… nervous? Kieran doesn't blame him one bit. Here he is a giant looking down-

 "I…I wanted to ask if I could come along?"

  His train of thought went blank, thinking he didn't hear that right. He subtly licked his lips to ease the dryness but made sure the tiny man didn't see so he wouldn't think anything of it. He didn't want to scare him.

 "You…you want to ride with me?" He wanted to double check if he heard correctly. When he received a nervous nod in response he smiled, "Sure, I don't mind. I gotta warn ya though, I'm headin' to my job so it might be a while before we get back."

The tiny seemed prepared for this and used his tail to point behind him, "I packed! The elder used to bring me out and well… I'm a little bored staying here."

Knowing that his mind is made up, Kieran gently placed his hand upright beside the man, and he climbed on after throwing his pack on his back. Kieran was slow and steady getting him up to his shirt pocket on the front and let him slide in. With how warm it is outside, he decided to not wear his new coat.

 As he walked downstairs with his riding buddy, he introduced himself, "My name's Kieran Duffy. What's yours?"

"I'm Gray. No last name though, I don't have one."

 He felt that there was a story behind that, however he decided to leave it be. There was no need to press for personal information this early on in their budding friendship. Kieran will ask questions in time, but mostly, he'll wait until Gray chooses to be more open with him.

[klutzymaiden123]

Hi!!! Ok...just had to ask. I've reread your fanfic too many times to count. And I've had the same recurring thought but never thought to ask you. I was wondering if Helga would eventually...revisit dance..? Sorry if it's a silly question, I just had to ask because for some reason her scene with Chloe stuck with me each time I reread and my thoughts kept drifting back to it. Also, hope you're doing well!! 🪼

Hey there! No, not a silly question at all! I’m actually really happy that you noticed this!

So dance is a massive theme for Helga. This was inspired by a random memory I had from the show where Helga was revealed to have practised ballet.

I myself have always loved dancing so I decided to take it and run with it.

Dancing is a way to represent Helga’s relationship to herself. It is something that she enjoys and is very good at, but it takes a level of vulnerability to dance in front of people. And as we know, Helga is not good with sharing her perceived vulnerabilities, as she fears being seen as weak and not being taken seriously.

In my story, Helga has spent years on her own, barricaded within her own walls. She has internalised that her worth is derived from her talent, from her ability to wow people. But she does not believe that she has either of those, so she refuses to start up anything new because, what’s the point?  There would always be someone better than her. There would always be an Olga, someone more unique, seamless and naturally gifted. So she holds herself back from exploring anything that may have potentially intrigued her to protect herself from failing in front of people. But people need to explore, they need to fail and they need to make mistakes. This is what creates our stories, our history. So Helga holding herself back comes at the consequence of her really developing her identity. What is an identity, if not your experiences? She has held herself back from starting her story so she will not look foolish. She doesn’t want to look anything. Her parents ignore her so it is only normal and expected that everyone else would.

But dancing has been her way of keeping in touch with her own body. Because it is free moving and ever flowing. Dancing genuinely can really improve your mental health and has been proven to be especially beneficial for people with depression and/or anxiety, since it requires for you to get out of your head. It overrides your thinking through overwhelming your senses. This is why it is so common for religious groups to incorporate dancing into their practises. The movement induces a meditative state where, because you’re not thinking as much, it is easier for the divine to reach you! You’re forced out from your mind and to exist within your physical reality. No other.

And also, its just fun.

So with that all being said, dance is an incredibly rare activity that has allowed for Helga to get completely out of her mind. No longer is she the loser failure girl with a perfect sister, parents who don’t care, and a crush who has forgotten about her over the years. She’s not even really Helga; she’s just free and having fun. Dancing challenges her to let herself go, which she frequently does when she is feeling overwhelmed and doesn’t know what to do. This has become her survival tactic over the years.

Dance is an art form that encourages people to get back in touch with their body, their sense of self. You’re no longer bound by the social conditions that we’ve created, and the worry of looking stupid in front of people. You’re forced to drop all forms of social awkwardness so you can express your deepest sense of self. And because you’re so within it, often, its not about being received well by other people, but how it feels to you to unlock that hidden part of yourself.

That’s why Helga needs it. She may be an amazing writer and possess an impressive vocabulary, but she still struggles to communicate her feelings. Dancing has been a good way for her to unleash her feelings when her words have failed her. And she still has so much to say, but no idea how to say it. She’s a girl who desperately still feels uncomfortable with her own identity. She is constantly berating herself for looking weak, or not competent. She rejects aspects of herself in fear of people looking down on her and eventually abandoning her. But when she dances, it is the one time where she doesn’t have to adhere to these structures.

She can let go.

Ironically, despite fearing that people will think that she is foolish and ugly, she is her most beautiful when she is dancing. Because releasing herself from her conditioned conformity, allows Helga to express an energy that is captivating for people to watch.

So yes, she will eventually get to a point where revisits dancing. It will not be ballet like in the show as it’s important that it’s a dance form that forces her to let loose from structured confinement (respectfully, ballerinas. Your dance form is gorgeous). Her looking forward to joining the dance team (chp. 18) is a significant change as, until now, Helga had designated herself to an early death. She had never stretched her thinking and planning further then the apocalypse, because had truly believed that if it didn’t kill her, then something else would before she even made it to the apocalypse.

It was a continuation of her self–dismissal, as she had never perceived a future for herself even prior to becoming Blue Jay. She felt so uncomfortable with herself that she didn’t know what to do and had sorta designated herself to a random corner in the world where she wouldn’t take up much space, wouldn’t get in people’s way, and continue living in the shadows.

Her excitement marks her first rebellion to this fate. She wants to dance. She’s planning beyond the apocalypse. She is finally letting herself go from her tragical fate as she wants to dance so much that she’s willing to do it in public. It is a rare time where she’s willing to bypass her rules about looking stupid because it would make her happy. So though she will not join the team until the apocalypse is well and truly over, there will be times where she is so overrun with her own feelings that she begins to dance, regardless if anyone is watching. Which is remarkable, because it signifies the distance that is growing between who Helga believed she had to be, and who she truly is.

And if you're interested in supporting me? You can buy me a coffee!

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And here you can read my story!

[viviraptor]

how do i express my pronoun/name/title preferences in a way that differs between who i'm talking to + what scenario i'm in + how i'm feeling that day without putting it on some complicated ass conspiracy board. i think it would b easier if everyoen could read my mind. tbqh

[souldivide]

fartfight is going to be hard when i kind of made a new acc to avoid a lot of people from my old one if only for like, innocent and harmless reasons